


make me love myself (so that i might love you)

by lifetimeoflaughter



Category: DC Extended Universe, DCU (Comics), Wonder Woman - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Diana (Wonder Woman) Needs a Hug, Inspired by Wonder Woman (2017), Introspection, Light Angst, Past Diana (Wonder Woman)/Steve Trevor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:02:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifetimeoflaughter/pseuds/lifetimeoflaughter
Summary: a look at what's left of Diana after all these years.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	make me love myself (so that i might love you)

There are a lot of enjoyable things about being a hero, thinks Diana.

-

the very first time she stepped out into the world of Man, she was met with countless stares - some in awe, some in slack-jawed lust, some in fear. She didn’t understand any of them - on Themyscira, she’d always been the smallest, the weakest - Hippolyta’s daughter, the prized _princess_ , they’d whispered. She’d not been one of them, and she couldn’t match them, not in age or wisdom or skill. She hadn’t been impressive, in her gauntlets and brown leather shift, standing behind all the others.

It felt strange, to inspire such emotion in the hearts of the humans surrounding her. It made sense, she realized belatedly - the bullets glanced off her skin, leaving nothing but the faintest imprint of a touch. She blocked them unthinkingly, _clang clang clang_ against her bracelets, her sword yet to be drawn as she marched across the gap on the battlefield. 

their awe made her feel invincible.

_-_

(the invincibility fades. it falls away, like a bride’s dress on her wedding night, like a corpse falling when its’ soul escapes to the afterlife. She may have unbreakable skin,but watching Steve die kills something deep inside her no Themysciran witch could ever bring back.)

-

When she first agrees to become part of the Justice League, she realizes this is her chance to build her allegiances again, to find people who know their duty to other intimately, like she does. It’s the first thought that springs to her mind, to find someone-some _people_ \- who know what it’s like to weather the losses and wins, the hardships and the euphoria of saving people.

The Kryptonian is not what she expects. He’s sweet, and a little bit bumbling out of costume, but he’s skilled and pure of heart. (He’s a child.) He wants to save every single person he can, wants to make sure no one human has to experience the pain of loss or sorrow. (He’s idealistic.) He was raised in Kansas. (Hasn’t she read something about a little girl with red heartstone slippers from Kansas?) 

He will make a good partner.

The Bat-Man is human. She thinks. He doesn’t reveal anything, but she can tell that he means no harm. He’s from Gotham, and where the Kryptonian is what Man calls a superhero, he is what they call a vigilante. The Kryptonian is Hope; the Human is Vengeance. 

(What does that make her?) 

They are to be her partners. Her _team._ Alliances to last what should be in human terms, more than a few lifetimes. She offers them a firm handshake and a promise-an oath-to protect this world from all those who seek to hurt it. 

she collects her conviction in the shape of a promise and holds it close.

-

(her conviction spills out of her hands as the years pass, the team growing, splitting, tearing. the last of it falls and disappears on the breeze as she watches ~~Bruce~~ the Human and ~~Clark~~ the Kryptonian beat each other to an inch of their lives. does the oath mean she must destroy both of them now?)

-

They name her Wonder Woman. 

They tell her that what she’s doing - she’s doing it right. She stands up to injustice wherever she sees it, her face on front-page papers in women’s marches and on 24-hour news channels, saving yet another child from a burning building. 

She was born to protect the innocent, they say.

She doesn’t mind. The words are of love, love from gratitude and love from happiness and love is that which she understands. They love her, and she holds that love close to her heart. She remembers that love when she faces down yet another super-threat, and she uses it as the kindling for the fire of fury that helps her fight and fight until every person that loves her is safe. 

They love her, she thinks. That is enough. It will always be enough.

Her heart bursts with the love she has for the innocents she was born to protect.

she loves them too.

-

(They use love against her. they tell her that the way she loves, _who_ she chooses to love- it’s perverse and disgusting. They tell her that she doesn’t do enough, spitting in her face the list of all those she failed to save. They take her heart and step on it until it bursts; they distill their love for her until it is nothing more than the purest, blackest hatred they could make.

she can feel it rising up in her throat, threatening to choke her.)

-

The first time she holds a child, cradling a three-year-old gently as they look for her parents, her entire perspective on the world realigns itself. The girl is fast asleep on her shoulder exhausted from crying, and as Diana hums a quiet Greek lullaby for her, she realizes why her mother went to all the trouble to make Diana.

Everything she does now, she does for the children. The purest, kindest version of Man, before the hardship of their lives had a chance to destroy them. She protects them all - she becomes their savior. She does whatever it takes to rescue every single child she comes across, to help and protect and encourage the inheritors of the world of Man.

So when she saves Donna, she does not think twice before taking her back to Themyscira. 

(She does not mean to, but she has become her mother - creating for herself a daughter of sorts who will never be truly Amazonian, just like herself.)

And when she meets Richard, she cannot resist that darling smile and she can feel her heart melt, and _how_ could she say no when he asks so _sweetly_ to be picked up?

(he still asks her, even when he’s grown to pick him up; she still obliges every time.)

Donna grows into a fine young woman. Richard grows into a fine young man. Both become excellent heroes. She would’ve expected nothing less.

It restores her faith, fills her soul with the light she thought was long-gone behind the pollution collecting in the sky. It makes her believe in the idea of a better tomorrow, a happily ever after. 

she watches the children laugh from a distance, and feels alive once more.

-

(their lives are cut short, but it feels like _she’s_ the one six feet under. the only laughter she can hear now are the Fates, cackling as Bruce’s arm wraps around her shoulder and the light that made her soul glow drips out of her eyes, mixing with the raindrops on her face. she feels the faith crumble like their ashes; dust to dust.

all flesh is grass.)

-

In the end, thinks Diana, it was enjoyable while it lasted.

Trouble is, says her mind, as she sits in the empty Hall of Justice, the marble cold under her hands and the words echoing in the quiet, 

trouble is, it didn’t last very long.

**Author's Note:**

> i was going to write something else, but this happened.   
> also - the reference to heartstone - in the Wonder Woman book by leigh bardugo they use a heartstone to get off themyscira, which essentially works as a teleporter, so it stands to reason that she thinks dorothy's slippers are made of the same thing.   
> hope you liked it :)


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